Addendum to The Picker

26 Mar

I’m perplexed. Actually more than that– I’m disappointed, awed, kind of disgusted too. I’ve asked some of my closest friends recently about the disappearance of chivalry. No, this is not a women’s liberation blog…a plight for the power of the female. This IS about respect and love and compassion though, and just a genuine desire to be treated well and to feel meaningful and to not walk away from an experience asking “what just happened?”

This is an addendum to The Picker blog I wrote recently. So I am, in my typical, analytical fashion, rethinking some things, and I’d like to add something to that entry. I want to be picked…sought after…wooed (:), yes, I just said that). And then I want to have a choice. How’s that? Too much to ask? But I have some stipulations. The wooing needs to be done in a certain way. Here are my thoughts.

As human beings we move toward people because it is the connection between others that gives us a sense of meaning and importance. Chivalry– I looked it up. I wanted to know how it was defined outside of how I’d imagined it in my mind.  I want to walk away from experiences feeling meaningful and well taken care of. Who doesn’t?

First, here was my image: a gentleman, opening the door for a lady, pulling out her chair; a gentleman “caller” contacting a lady to ask for her company….ahead of time…to allow her time to rearrange her schedule if need be; when together, a gentleman asking a lady questions, showing interest and intrigue regarding who she is; not interrupting while she is speaking; and perhaps I’m old fashioned….paying for dinner. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms (close! very close to what I imagined); and gallant warriors or gentlemen. (There’s that word again- gentleman.  And “gallant”!! Now that one produces some vivid imagery!)

Okay, so I wasn’t completely off. I went further than adjectives and broke it down into actual behaviors. What do you think? Those I listed are MY ideal qualifications. Maybe some ladies do not care about how people behave around them (if that’s the case; I’d like to talk to you!), but I think we should all expect respect.  Gay, straight, male, female….whoever you are, we all should behave respectfully too.

In conclusion, if you desire respect, demonstrate respect. Be choosy of your friends and partners. Pick people who you want to be like and who are positive and virtuous in the ways that are important to you. Pick away, and if you’re picked by a less than respectful person, know that you have the choice to remain in a pickle or to pick again!


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