Interviewing Myself

24 Apr

I was told this morning “Kori, you’ve been on fire!” That comment was followed up with, “What’s going on for you?! Something’s happening!”

In fact, something is.

In fact, I can’t name it.

In fact, all I can recognize at this point is that I’m pulsing. Buzzing.

When I unplug the wire that inserts into my computer to power my speakers and it touches the file cabinet, it emits this grating but powerful hum.

In fact, I’m humming.

The potential energy with which I’m filled often leaves me feeling either immobile or creatively manic. When I can harness it, pay attention to it, breathe through it, and assess it, however, it becomes a smooth but rapidly flowing river of ideas, insights, and movement. My potential energy becomes potentially potent.

Accessing the river can be tricky though. Do I just jump in? No life vest? Do I get a boat? Do I scout the river to find calm, non-choppy waters?Do I ask someone to join me? Would that be safer? Do I need safe? Do I find out what the weather is going to be like before I traverse the river wild? Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too cautious. Perhaps sometimes it makes sense to not plan at all and “go with the flow” of the river….see where it leads me.

So I’ve decided to interview myself …dive into the deep and see what swims beneath.  The questions will be my guides- my boat. But I will have the choice to explore the various tributaries and channels that appear before me.

My first question will be this:

In 5 years, what will you look upon as your greatest achievements?

I’m picking this question because I feel a drive, a sense of urgency, and perhaps it will lead me to understanding the values I am about to put this energy toward.

My second question will be this:

What are my emotional dependencies?

Those are some deep waters.

Care to join me? I’m going to take the week to journal on these topics. No censoring. Everything that surfaces, I will jot down.


2 Responses to “Interviewing Myself”

  1. Donloree April 25, 2012 at 10:30 PM #

    I’m ALWAYS up for some deep waters. Yup, I am all lost and working on being found.
    Safe…I don’t want to be safe. I’m up for something new, something reformational. My question of the week has been, ‘What impact do I want to have on the world?’

    • kpropst April 26, 2012 at 8:09 AM #

      Agreed, DL. Safe is appropriate…at times. Especially when I recognize I’m not operating at my best. I will choose safe…and consciously. It’s better for everyone. Your question– I like it. I might break it down day to day next. What impact do I want to have today? But then, am I looking at a personal impact (I’m influenced) or a relational impact (I’m influencing someone else)? My musing question is going to what is most important to me (that’s my goal anyway…to understand my underlying motives and drivers and motivations), from which I’ll be able to draw a map. Ultimately the map will change, but I’ll more fully have a sense of the “WHY” of what’s important to me. I like your word: reformational. It commands change.

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