My Not So Simple Sammy Situation

11 Sep

Sammy curled her tail around my ankles as she bobbed and weaved through my legs, her contentment emanating in warmth on my skin as she pushed her little body against me. “Pet meeee,” her nudged indicated.

I brought her to the office with me today to give her away. To get rid of her. To say, “see ya later, gator. It’s been real.” Who was this selfish person I had become. This poor, tiny, helpless kitty loved me.

My new dining room chairs that I spent hard-earned money on are marred with the memories of cat claws clamoring over the tops of them to get to the window. The kitchen counter was introduced to a dingle berry just yesterday. Seriously? I put up with this?

She looks at me with a softness in her eyes, “I love you, Kori. Thank you for taking care of me.” I scratch gently the soft area by her nose and under her dainty chin glad to have her to come home to after work each evening.

CHOMP! The damn cat just latched onto my leg, drawing blood and a yelp escapes my lips. “Whoa!” I scream. Sammy bounds into another room but then shoots back over to me like a freight train, no intention of slowing down. It was a hit and run in motion. I turn and crouch down as if I’m about to be tackled by a 250 lb defensive lineman. For a freaking cat!

“Joe, what do you think about making Sammy a shop cat? That would be pretty cool eh?”

GUILT, GUILT, GUILT!

I’ve been in situations in years past when I was consumed by it, deadened by it, incapacitated and made impish because of it. And I was doing it again with Sammy—the cat. Am I obligated to keep her? No. Can I find her a better home that can give her what she needs? Yes. What was I needing to prove by continuing to “try” to care for her despite having no attachment to her or desire to keep her in my home? Resentment was what was building as a result of keeping her—not an appreciation for her “unique personality” or “needy independence”. Yes, I’ve used both of these terms to describe her in the most strength-based of ways in an effort to get out of the guilt.

Perhaps I’m anxious about looking insensitive or callous.

Oh my goodness, I got it. As I write this I’m taken back to years of being called cold and vacuous. And there it is. Wow.

Wow.

Maybe I need the cat whisperer…..

or a therapist. 😉

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2 Responses to “My Not So Simple Sammy Situation”

  1. Stacey September 11, 2012 at 11:20 AM #

    Kori! I love you! You are definitely NOT callous or insensitive! And thanks for making me laugh this morning! 🙂

    • kpropst September 11, 2012 at 1:06 PM #

      Stacey! You’re awesome- thank you. The day has been a whirlwind. Seriously, I deal with emotion all the time and when I’m back and forth like my blog showed, it’s quite the interesting journey. Glad it provided you with some humor. The situation really is funky! Ha!

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