Archive | March, 2013


24 Mar

what would you doLast week I was talking with some friends of mine and I relayed a recent experience in which I had to make a decision.

“I do not like making decisions,” I said.

When I thought more about it, I realized that it’s not that I don’t like making decisions. I’m actually pretty good at making decisions. It’s that I don’t like waffling on a decision. Or maybe it is fear of making the wrong decisions. Or perhaps it’s anxiety regarding what people will think about the decision. When I feel like I have far too many choices, and they’re all equally as good, I’d rather just hand over the keys to someone else. “Here, you drive. Pick the route. Choose the speed. Let’s go.” I actually did this when I purchased my car. I knew the body type that was attractive to me, I had a limit in terms of price, I knew I wanted heated seats and a sunroof, 4-doors was mandatory and gas mileage was important. After that, well, since I knew nothing about what was under the hood, I let someone who did know make the final decision.When I go to the salon I usually sit down in the chair and say, “What do you think? Have at it. You can do whatever you want!” Fortunately I haven’t ended up with a mohawk.

When I feel like I have far too many choices and they’re all equally as bad too, I’d rather just hand the keys over to someone else.

And when I feel like I don’t have any choices at all, I’d rather just have someone tell me what I should do.

Can you relate?

the rest of your lifeHow many decisions have been your own? How many decisions and aspects of your life are there because YOU chose them, fully, presently, and without considering of all the opinions, influences, or advice from others? And think about the difference between the advice you’ve solicited versus the advice that you  hear in the back of your mind…the script that plays like a cassette tape…the story you have been listening to for years and  years and years.

Not all the decisions I’ve made in the way I’ve described, have turned out as inconsequential as my hair. I’ve made the mistake of handing over the key a few too many times and ending up in a foreign and dangerous place. I’ve gone on multiple trips with some big-time detours, and I finally realized just how unempowered I was, how much I didn’t know about myself or what I really wanted (hmm…could this have been why I shied away from decisions in the first place), and how I needed to approach my life differently if I wanted to merge onto a new road.  I committed to a life trajectory that would no longer travel the “If you always do what you’ve done, you’ll continue getting what you’ve got” road.

Since I decided to change lanes, well, I can’t say that things have gotten easier. I can’t say that I haven’t made mistakes, and I can’t tell you that I’ve stopped handing over the keys. But I can tell you that those keys have unlocked a potential that I’d never have recognized before if I hadn’t made the decision to commit to examining the reasons for my behavior.

I work with many individuals who say to me, “Kori, I don’t know what to do” or “What is wrong with me?” If they only knew how many times I’d asked myself those same questions over and over and over again before I accepted that 1) it’s normal to feel the way they are feeling; and 2) that what is wrong is exactly what is right.

Brene Quote leaning into our livesGetting out of our fear is about leaning into it and choosing to commit to letting it reveal to us what it could be protecting us from. In this way, nothing is wrong with us. Fear is our ally. When we ask what is wrong with us, we’re really just  not listening to ourselves. When we say we don’t know what to do, we’re not trusting ourselves. When we hand the keys over for the decisions to be made by someone else, we lock the doors of our hearts to shut off our values.

What will you choose?

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