Tag Archives: discovery

Alone or Lonely?

27 Nov

Thanksgiving gave me a reason to stop and take stock. I was with my best friends. We played games, we laughed, we ate, we got silly. I was fully present. I wasn’t two hours ahead or 2 years past. I was right there, in the moment. Thankful does not even touch the expanse of gratitude I felt being in the company of my “family.”

When I got home late in the evening I experienced such a profound sense of isolation. Walking into a dark, cold house, I was utterly alone. No one was there to greet me upon arrival, wrap their arms around me, ask me how my day was, and tell me they missed me. Do I long for this? Sometimes. Do I enjoy having the freedom to come and go as I please? Absolutely.
At times I sink into feeling lonely. It’s only lonely when I put a spin on being alone. Am I by myself? Yep. So what’s the difference?
Lonely permeates the air around me when I start feeling sorry for myself, when I have thoughts of being unloved, uncared for, or forgotten about. Is this true? Of course not. And this is the reason that lonely doesn’t last long in my presence. I get to choose how and what to feel. I get to choose to wallow in what I can make up in my mind under the current circumstances. I get to choose to assess the real facts of the situation.
We aren’t our feelings. We aren’t our thoughts. We HAVE them, and then we get to choose what to do with them.
I’ve decided that being alone is teaching me how to be more independent, to make decisions without having to rely on others, to appreciate my freedom, to cherish the gift of assessing for myself who I am and what I need.
Obviously I love being with others. My life would not be full without my friends and family. We all need to walk alone sometimes to prove that we can!

I'm alone, but I'm not lonely.

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